A Fresh Look at the Holiday Season

This year my daughter missed Thanksgiving. We had coordinated dinner to begin well before her naptime (at 2 ½, our busy girl needs her sleep). Due to a minor cooking glitch, dinner had to be moved back an hour. After waiting for all the relatives to arrive, we put our tired child down for a nap and ate without her. While we missed her presence, we all had a better dinner than if we had forced the issue and kept her up. We had time to really talk to our guests, and she still had her turkey when she woke up. We accommodated her needs, adjusted our expectations, and enjoyed the experience for what it was.

This year may have brought some changes to your life that need to be accommodated. Whether it's a change in financial status, health, or location, addition of a family member or a death; chances are there is something different this year. While change can be unwanted, it often brings an opportunity for a fresh look at what we have been doing again and again, sometimes without thinking.

Let's take a few minutes to honestly look at how we want to spend our time, money, and energy this holiday season:

• What is important to you this year? Family? Friends? Faith? Helping others? Keeping the holidays simple? Spending time at home? Choose one or two things and make them your goal. As you make your lists and plans, ask yourself if the activities and events are bringing you closer to your goal.
• Who or what needs to be accommodated this year? Will you have more or fewer people around than normal? Does anyone have health issues? Are you in a different location? Are you or someone struggling financially? It is important to deal with what is rather than what we want things to be.
• What do you enjoy most about the holidays? The decorations? Gift-giving? The food? Parties? Traditions? Be specific. Ask your friends and family the same question and really listen to the responses. You may find the answers both surprising and liberating.
• How can you make time for family and friends in ways that are truly meaningful to them? Once we know what is important (and take into account any special circumstances), we can better make our holiday plans. No one will be happy all of the time, but if each person knows that his or her wishes will be counted, he or she will go along with (or choose to opt out of) other activities.
• What can you let go of this year? Parties you don't want to attend? Traditions you no longer enjoy? Decorations you hate? Old expectations? Many of us continue to do the same thing year after year because we think others like and expect it. This year, take a few “have to” items off your list. Ask to be taken off someone else's gift-giving list (you'd be surprised at how relieved they will be) and agree to spend some time together after the holidays. Receive an unexpected gift graciously without feeling the need to reciprocate (except with a sincere thank you).
• How can others help? We recovering perfectionists struggle the most with this one. We want things done our way. But what we don't realize is that others want to show us how much they care by helping. When someone asks to help, give them something to do, even if it is small. It will feel more like a shared event when everyone helps.

My hope for you this year is that you'll take some time to think about what truly matters to you and focus on that. Don't worry about last year. Don't compare your traditions with others. Enjoy what you have and who is with you in the season that you are in.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year. Thank you for your support and friendship. See you in 2009.

© Renee Ursem, 2008.

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