Monthly Article

Permission Granted This Holiday Season

When working with clients, my job is to give them permission to do something they really want to do but feel they can't. I was at a book-signing event recently when I ran into a client. She was waiting for some relatives to tell her whether they were coming to town for Thanksgiving so she could make her plans. She worried that she might not have enough time to get everything done.

"What would you like to do for Thanksgiving?" I asked.

"Nothing," she replied. "I would rather go to my friend's house and relax than cook dinner at home."

"Then do it," I told her.

"I think I will," said, looking surprised and relieved at the same time. It hadn't occurred to her that she had that option.

Often clients, friends, or relatives just need someone else to say that it's okay. This year, I thought I would give you (and myself) permission to pull some stress out of the season. Think of it as a gift to yourself.

You have permission to:

• Take a fresh look at this holiday season. What is the "one thing" you'd like to do or focus on?
  
  
• Stop trying to guess what is important to others. Ask about the "one thing" in their lives. You might be surprised by the answer.
  
  
• Take a break this year from the one seasonal task you hate. Instead of writing the annual Christmas letter or baking those complicated cookies, spend some time doing something relaxing (even if that means doing nothing).
  
  
• Say no to one event that you don't really want to attend. "I'm sorry, I / we can't make it" is a polite way to decline. Your presence won't make or break the event.
  
  
• Extend the same grace to your family. Allow each member to opt out of one thing they really dislike.
  
  
• Keep only seasonal items that reflect who you are now and what you enjoy. Let go of all the décor, dinner and serving items, cards, and gift wrap that you don't like, need, or use anymore. Donate those items to your favorite charity.
  
  
• Set a realistic budget and stick to it. Ask family members about the "one thing" they would like to receive. Layaway, group gifts, money toward an item, or a coupon for a service you can provide are ways to keep from blowing your budget.
  
  
• Take yourself off someone else's gift list. "Let's not buy each other gifts this year," you might suggest. "Instead let's _________" and spend time together.
  
  
• Send gifts that "don't fit" you or your interests to someone in need. Let someone else enjoy Aunt Myrna's fruitcake.
  
  
• Allow (or even ask!) others to help. They might not wrap packages as neatly or bring the type of food you'd normally serve, but celebrations are always better when each person contributes.

Finally, you have permission to:

• Truly enjoy imperfection. Appreciate this season for what it is along with the people who are in your life now. Be thankful. No, it doesn't have to be perfect (and it won't), but that's okay.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year. Thank you for your support and friendship. See you in 2011.

© Renee Ursem, 2010

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Holidays For Busy People (audio interview).

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