Getting Kicked Out

This past week I got kicked out of my new play group. Can you believe it? As a responsible person, I was shocked and a little embarrassed.

The email read, “The Organizer has removed you because you haven't been active in the group. Thanks so much for joining, but I have to remove you to make room for members who can participate.”

Inactivity? I guess I hadn’t been to any of the many scheduled activities this month. I had planned to go on one hike that was cancelled due to bad weather; the rescheduled event was a craft and didn’t fit our schedule that day. Another park play date turned into a tie-dyeing party. I didn’t have an extra t-shirt or the time to buy one. I planned to RSVP to two upcoming events but hadn’t gotten around to it.

So they kicked me out. Granted, the invitation was left open for me to return if I could attend the events. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the group leader had actually done me a favor. I really didn’t have time for this new play group.

What about you? What group should you be kicked out of? What activity are you not fully participating in? Think about the following questions:

• What events do you never seem to get to?
• What activities have you lost your passion for or never really had passion?
• Which group has changed its focus? Or have you changed yours?
• What meeting doesn’t naturally fit into your schedule?
• What activity doesn’t play to your strengths?

If you have the same answer for three or more questions, you may need to kick yourself out of the group. Of course, we all know that there are moral obligations that we may not like or enjoy. I’m not talking about those. I’m referring to the many groups, associations, activities, and events that we continue to join.

Unlike me, you probably won’t get kicked out of your organization. How do you exit gracefully from a group? Try one or more of the following suggestions:

• When the time comes, don’t renew your membership. Just because you started something doesn’t mean that you have to continue.
• Don’t offer an explanation unless asked. Women especially feel the need to explain their choices. You don’t owe anyone a reason.
• If asked about it, be general. “It doesn’t fit my schedule right now” is usually enough to satisfy those who actually ask. Most won’t.
• Simply repeat yourself if pressed. Sometimes there is one person who won’t let things go (usually confirmation that you have made the right decision). If he or she pressures you for more information, repeat the above statement several times, and then change the subject or excuse yourself.
• Think carefully before taking on something else. I shouldn’t have joined that play group at all. When invited, next time I will say, “I’ll think about it” and really think about my decision.

So what about you? What group do you need to be kicked out of? This month take a look at your schedule to see if you need to let go of a group or activity. Plan your exit strategy. Then enjoy the freedom that comes from activities and organizations you truly enjoy.

© Renee Ursem, 2010

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